Every year on New Year’s Eve, I’ll take some precious time to reflect on my experiences from the past year and the valuable lessons I’ve gained…
I’m sharing them with you so that you can learn from my insights without going through the often painful process of discovering them for yourself.
On the surface, 2014 was perhaps one of the worst years of my life.
I had to grapple with a key staff leaving my company, the ugly dissolution of a business partnership gone sour, losing close to 80% of my net worth in the plummeting US stock market, being hospitalized for the first time in my life, a painful breakup, depression and anxiety amongst other things, all while putting up a strong front in front of almost everyone and pretending that everything was OK.
And indeed for quite a while, I was actively caught up in the blame game. I acted like a victim to close friends and loved ones whom I confided in, lamenting on all the “bad” experiences – one after another – that I was going through and through it all, I basically gave my power away.
For the past 2 months, as I was going through therapy and as I started to read up more on social and childhood psychology/trauma, emotions, the ego, the law of attraction etc., I’ve begun to understand more about myself and how I’ve attracted all these situations into my life.
More importantly though, I’ve been able to shift my perspective on these experiences by changing the question I was asking myself about them from…
“Why did this happen to me?”
to…
“What is the GIFT in this?” and “What can I learn from this?”
And by doing that, I realized that this is my most BLESSED year because I get to learn so many valuable lessons and so many things about myself.
So without further ado, here’s an inexhaustive list of valuable lessons I gained from 2014…
1) Take FULL Responsibility For Everything You’re Attracting
If you keep attracting the same type of relationships, the same kind of friends, the same pattern of self-sabotaging behavior in your business and finances, then you have to start asking yourself…
“How am I responsible for attracting THIS into my life?”
You see, everything that happens in your life, you’ve attracted them into your life.
I know it’s hard to digest.
“What? I’m responsible for all the SH*T in my life?”
Yes, yes you are…
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say that looking back at your life, you realized that you’ve attracted a lot of “bullies”. They seem to always manifest in your workplace, your relationships etc.
Instead of feeling helpless and acting like a victim and giving your power away, seriously reflect on how you’ve attracted them into your life.
A chat with my therapist revealed to me that I tend to exhibit passive behavior.
Indeed, I hate conflicts and would do my best to avoid them. The way I avoided them was to be passive. My thought process was that if I were passive, if I didn’t speak up about what I wanted, if I just went with what someone else was asking from me, I could appease and please them and they wouldn’t bother me and I would have peace.
But what I didn’t realize is that by being passive, I was not setting and maintaining healthy boundaries and this made it easy for anyone to come by and overstep into my boundaries. By continuously allowing them to behave in ways that I would not tolerate but also not call them out on (for fear it would lead to a major confrontation), I was teaching them that I didn’t respect myself and my own boundaries and they didn’t have to too.
This will inevitably escalate to me feeling unfair about the way they treat me (that I unconsciously allowed) and I will start displaying passive-aggressive behaviour such as subtly dropping hints that I was unhappy with them (instead of just confronting them about it and talking it out in an assertive manner) which will further aggravate the situation… causing it to go into a downwards spiral.
If I had been assertive (instead of passive) right from the start, I wouldn’t have manifested the “bullies”. They would either have left me alone knowing that I wasn’t someone to be trifled with or I would have walked away.
When you take FULL responsibility for everything you’re attracting, you regain your power.
If you want to change your world, you need to change yourself first.
And the first step to change is awareness which is why now is a good time than any other to start your own reflections about what you’ve attracted into your life thus far and why you’ve attracted them.
(Take out a piece of paper and write down your reflections)
Until you change, the same patterns and types of people will continue to manifest in your life.
2) See The GIFT In Every Situation
Yes, you heard it right. I asked you to see the GIFT in every situation.
Especially the so-called “bad” ones…
There is a valuable lesson hidden in that situation for you to uncover. And once you’ve internalized it, *poof*, you’ll realized that these situations stop popping up in your life.
I like the way Andrew Matthews illustrate this in his series of books on happiness.
He talked about how life will throw you pebbles… and if you ignore the pebbles, those pebbles will turn into stones… and if you ignore the stones, those stones will turn into rocks… which will CRUSH you…
The way to prevent that is to see the gift in the situation… learn the lessons you’re supposed to learn and move on…
Resolve to start seeing the gift in every situation from this day forward and observe how your life changes for the better!
3) KILL Your Ego
Now that’s definitely easier said than done… (It’s still a work-in-progress for me)
I’ve been reading up on the subject of ego and it’s so fascinating.
It made me realize that most of the conflicts we experience in every day life are basically conflicts of the ego.
According to a book I’m currently reading called “Take Me To Truth: Undoing the Ego”, there are 3 kinds of love:
a) Purely Physical Love, as sexual attraction;
b) Emotional Love, which often tends to transform itself into hate; and
c) Conscious Love, which leads to the perfection of both partners
Most of us are familiar with the first 2 types of love but few truly experience or even understand the third type… Conscious love… which is the most powerful one.
And that’s because the ego gets in our way.
Ego stems from separation from God’s love and the belief that we are not good enough. How can we go about attracting healthy loving relationships if we keep believing that we are inadequate?
I found an intriguing article here which talks about emptying your cup. I don’t necessarily agree with everything there but I think it’s a great start to helping you understand a little more about the ego and how to kill it.
4) E + R = O
I taught this before… It’s a concept I learned from Jack Canfield. The challenge is to internalize it and apply it consciously every day.
E = Event
R = Response
O = Outcome
Basically Jack said that the outcome we get in life is dependent on the response we give to any particular event.
We could have a “positive” event but if we respond to it in a negative way, we would get a negative outcome.
Conversely we could have a “negative” event but if we respond to it in a positive way, we get a positive outcome.
The best example I can come up with is this very blog post. As I mentioned earlier, there were many “negative” things that happened to me this year BUT because I choose to see the gift/lessons (positive response) in those experiences, the outcome is that I feel that this is my most blessed year by far and that allowed me to be vulnerable enough to share all these lessons with you in hopes that you will be blessed too! (positive outcome) =)
5) Focus on Jesus
This has been a challenging year. No doubt about that.
But it has also strengthened my walk with Daddy God.
I’ve learned that no matter what happens, I have 2 choices: I can focus on the problem or I can focus on Jesus.
When I focus on the problem, I magnify it and I will start feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
When I focus on Jesus, I cast all my cares and worries upon Him and rest in His finished work. I let him fight and win my battles for me and He lets me claim the victory!
You may have noticed, if you have been subscribed to my FREE email newsletter for some time, that I’ve been writing and sending out prayers to you throughout the year… and I’m very happy that you are enjoying them.
Now you know, based on everything I’ve poured out to you from my heart, that I’ve been praying for myself as much as I’ve been praying for you.
Many people think I live the “perfect” life but that cannot be further from the truth.
I’m only human and I have my own challenges to deal with.
In 2015, I will continue to focus more and more on Jesus (So stay tuned!)
On a parting note, I just want to share the happiest parts of my year with you through the photos from this facebook app…
(Click on the image and scroll down to see all the pictures)
You see, even though I’ve been through so many challenges, Daddy God has continued to bless me abundantly and allowed me to travel to so many exotic places this year to spread the message of Love, Hope and Joy.
God is GOOD! (Can I have a big “AMEN” from you in the comments?)
Thank you so much for being with me on this journey. Thank you for opening and reading my emails and blog posts.
I trust the lessons I shared here have blessed you. I'm excited to hear about your own lessons from 2014 or just your thoughts about what I've shared (Feel free to leave a comment!)
I look forward to continue being a blessing to you in 2015… Happy New Year in advance… And God Bless You! =)
To Your Success,
Yee Shun-Jian
Founder & Chief Happiness Officer,
http://101PowerfulAffirmations.com
